Refried Neurons

The Death of Alcohol

The world has changed — or at least mine has. Since COVID, everyone’s on a health kick. Or maybe it’s just that I, and everyone around me, have turned into a small geriatric ward.

I still remember going out 4–5 nights a week, rolling into work slightly tipsy, then heading straight back to the pub. Now? If I even think about more than two drinks on a weeknight, I shiver at the hangover. So I go alcohol-free: beer, gin — fine. Wine? Total disgrace. Alcohol-free whiskey? I hope to God it doesn’t exist.

It’s not just me. Gen Z doesn’t drink either — apparently they’re into codeine. Out of the two, I’ll take booze; at least it supports local pubs and somewhat takes care of my kidneys rather than turn them into mashed potato. But the shift is real: a bartender told me they sell more alcohol-free guinness than regular. Back in the day, a pub might have non-alcoholic Heineken if you were lucky. Now there is a selection on the tap. And in the UK, no one even asks if you’re “okay” when you’re not drinking. (Poland’s still vodka country.)


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The War on Gluten (and Everything Else Fun)

The health obsession doesn’t stop at booze. We’ve binned sugar, lactose, gluten, meat… basically everything that tastes good.

My cousin says if she got a tattoo, it’d be “gluten” on one arm and “lactose” on the other. I’m with her. But my doctor recently told me I had to give up sugar, carbs, and anything comforting: bread, oats, rice, pasta, potatoes. Bread and potatoes? That’s not a diet — that’s a punishment for crimes I haven’t committed.

It’s thanks to candida, autoimmune issues, and a pharmacy’s worth of antibiotics. But it’s not just me – loads of my friends have been told the same. And annoyingly, most of them actually feel better.


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The Biotic Circus

Now I’m told to up my pre-, pro-, and postbiotics. I didn’t even know postbiotics existed until I watched IM8 advert. Thank you David for making it even more complex.

I did my Zoe test before the antibiotics — not amazing, not tragic. Now my gut is basically a sterilised wasteland. Square one? Nope. Square minus ten.

I asked ChatGPT to compare biotics. Every brand has billions (or gazillions) of bacteria, different strains, powders vs. pills. Apparently, powder is better, but you also need “food” for the bacteria. Enter pre- and postbiotics.

Some help PMS, some boost sex drive, some do gut repair (without containing any bacteria — just collagen). Then there’s the green powders and mushrooms… Do you buy them separately or in one big mix? And how do I know it’s not just coloured flour from China?

Chlorella made me feel sick — apparently “detoxing.” Or maybe just pond scum.


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The Cult of Fitness

And we haven’t even got to exercise yet.

You can’t just be fit anymore; you have to be fit fashionably. Gymshark or Lululemon, full face of makeup. Simple yoga? So last season. Now it’s all reformer Pilates. Getting into a class at my gym is like applying for a visa from a third-world country — impossible.

I did get in once… and injured myself. Never again.


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Is Healthy Just Miserable?

No booze. No bread. No potatoes. No exercises you actually enjoy. Is being healthy just about stripping away all the joy?

I do want to be like my friend Carole — hiking 15 miles a day through Japan at 75, still mistaken for being in her 40s (no Botox, no surgery). But do I want to give up cream tea on a rainy day? Or wine with sourdough, olive oil, and balsamic at sunset? Not sure.

If I die, I want to say I loved and lived happily. But if I keep the “bad stuff,” will I live long enough to say it? Maybe that one glass of wine a year will taste 1,000% better for being rare.

I don’t know. But I’m about to find out — as soon as I wrestle my sugar addiction into submission.